#MoronFiles

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | Be Specific When Asking for Help

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just some of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

01/15/2020 – #MORONFILES ENTRY

So I’m not sure of this is full blown “#MoronFiles” worthy story but it’s been a while since I’ve shared my frustrations about others in my profession. This is relatively short, but the exchange that I had to review is this:

  • Lawyer writes to one of my business clients asking how to get someone from one of their departments to help them. Nothing more…just a basic one liner asking how to get help.
  • Business department writes back asking for more information – for the lawyer to be more specific as to what they need help with.
  • Lawyer writes back again with another single sentence but barely providing enough information for business department to even know what the lawyer is even referring to.
  • Business department writes back and provides generic information – because they have nothing specific to go off of.
  • Lawyer writes back AGAIN with short fragmented sentences saying that they want to take some action with regard to “this” but never explains what “this” is.

I looked this person up. This is a real, licensed lawyer. With the level of vagueness and lack of effort actually put into explaining anything I actually thought it was another person pretending to be a lawyer…but nope…someone who apparently passed a bar and obtained a license to practice.

Attorneys: if you can’t take the time to be specific about your situation when asking a question, or asking for help (so that a business can appropriately evaluate your question) you absolutely DO NOT deserve to be helped. Don’t be rude and waste people’s time and resources because you’re too lazy to type out a proper explanation/inquiry. Emails are NOT for “chit chat.” A business isn’t going to waste it’s time pulling information from you. You can, and should, do better.

Until next time friends…

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Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | Cease and Desist from Attorney Captain Can’t Search Google

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

03/11/2019 – #MORONFILES ENTRY

There are times that I would LOVE to publish the word vomit letters that I read … but you know, people be “cray” and I doubt some of the attorneys/firms that write the garbage I see are necessarily exempt from that and I don’t have the time nor patience to deal with amplified absurdity that would surely come from me making fun of them. I’m not infallible…and I’m sure there are things that I have done that are boneheaded myself…but this stuff is SO BAD that I can’t not write about it.

Today’s dumpster fire of a letter was sent via snail mail, on letterhead from a “firm” that doesn’t contain a website nor email address listed for communications. Oh, but it has a fax listed! Who, besides the IRS, still uses fax machines these days? Even my grandma was using email when she was still with us. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this though. I’ve seen countless letterhead like this. If this is you and you are in the legal space (and likely in other professions as well) know that I have run polls on Twitter asking about this and you are absolutely being judged negatively, right or wrong, by your peers.

Okay, setting aside the archaic letterhead, it’s a run of the mill cease and desist letter that, like all the other ones I have ever seen, doesn’t have any merit to it. What is sad is that this attorney likely charged their client good, hard earned money, to write this piece of crap. (sad face emoji)

Letter content in a nutshell: blah blah state law is clear…recites basic elements of civil tort (without legal citation)…therefore a case for tort is clear. You have blah blah days to take the action we want or else we will start litigation.

So what’s wrong with this particular letter? Well, it’s good that the attorney can regurgitate the basic elements of the tort they are claiming happened, however, this is yet another bonehead that has failed to check in with their statute of limitation in blah blah state. For the civil tort in which they are raising, that statute of limitations was blown a while ago and therefore they won’t have a proper cause of action under the civil tort claim that they are trying to pretend would exist. If you’ve been keeping up with other articles, you know what I think about that. Oh, and for those of you that want to pipe in and chirp about tolling statute of limitations, yes, that is a thing – but not in the circumstances that I would have to deal with, so here…nope. Not applicable.

Beyond that, the ongoing word vomit written in this letter HEAVILY suggests that this attorney has not the first clue what the heck they are even talking about. I mean, the fact that I’m reading the letter in the first place suggests that they have done NO legal research on this topic, whatsoever. I’m guessing another dabbler (facepalm emoji) who wasn’t even smart enough to try a search on Google first. Look…I don’t know everything and I don’t even try to pretend that I know everything…and I’ve been in the field for 20 years. As such I don’t expect everyone to know everything either…but I sure as shit am not going to send out a letter, threatening litigation, without KNOWING that my threat was legally sound. That’s just fucking stupid and arguably unethical. Hence this story making the #MoronFiles.

Let’s just also say that blah blah state also has anti-SLAPP protections for victims of bullshit lawsuits like attorney Captain Can’t Search Google is trying to threaten. Should Captain Can’t Search Google file such a lawsuit, my client would be such a victim of a bullshit lawsuit and it’s incredibly likely that the attorney and client could be on the hook, statutorily, for attorneys fees and costs.

Sometimes I just want to respond with (but I won’t): What the hell is the matter with you? Did you eat paint chips for breakfast? Google is your friend, you ought to try it sometime. I guess I’m feisty today. Perhaps I need another cup of coffee…

Until next time friends!

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | Note to Dabblers: When in doubt, refer it out!

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

09/10/2018 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

If you are a lawyer and your website boasts that you are the top “insert any law practice not having to do with civil internet defamation matters here” and that is ALL that it is listed that you practice on your website…perhaps you should stick with what you know.  More often than not, dabbling makes you look like an unprofessional asshole to those who do practice in the area you are dabbling in and you are really doing a disservice to your client.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for learning new areas of law…  I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing but for me learning new stuff…but I could do reasearch on my own and I also found mentors.  And if you don’t have a mentor, you should be damn smart enough to conduct basic research first before you go sending your little nasty grahams.  Have a leg to stand on for crying out loud!  Be smart enough to know what you don’t know.  When in doubt, refer it out!

So client gets a letter from a law firm, from a foreign jurisdiction (but not THAT foreign – like this country likes to cite to our case-law on occasion) that basically provides the run of the mill demand letter and threat of litigation if the client doesn’t comply.  Sounds rather standard; so what’s the problem?  This particular lawyer has not a f*cking clue what he/she is talking about.  This is evident by the fact that they cited to a local statute that would ONLY make sense if it was filed some 2+ years ago…and if they applied to someone OTHER than this particular client. *Sigh*

I don’t care what area of law you practice in – claims have some sort of statute of limitations.  If your law school education didn’t teach you that – go get your damn money back!  It’s basic legal analysis 101.  If you are going to make a demand, you should probably look that up first to see if your threat of litigation is going to make you look like a tool or not by being outside of the statute of limitations for the claim you are asserting. Now, I know that some attorneys argue that it is okay to bring a claim that is outside of the SOL and wait to see if the Defendant raises that defense.  I do not subscribe to that kind of lawyering and some State Bar opinions are with me on this.  Second, you should see if such liability actually even extends to the person/entity that you are threatening…and if your own jurisdiction didn’t just create some law that is totally opposite of the position that you are trying to pursue.  Yeah, because I can do research too…and that happened here. *Asshat*

This is a prime example of a person/firm that I won’t forget…and it is a person/firm that I would NEVER refer anyone to…because they have already proven they don’t do necessary research to adequately advise a client.  That is true of anyone who makes my #MoronFiles list (the list is getting longer by the day – though I don’t write about them all).  This is why I think it’s important that clients and lawyers understand statute of limitations and other pertinent aspects that should be contemplated before sending such threats.  It’s not just your client that is watching you (and that you could be harming by wasting their resources)…so are others in the profession.  I remember who are above-board and who aren’t…and I’m happy to refer to colleagues in the space, even if they are opposite of a client of mine, if they show professionalism.  To be clear, this isn’t the first of it’s kind…just felt like venting regarding this one today.

Until next time friends!

 

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | Can’t Read or Lazy as F*ck?

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shit bags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

07/09/2018 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

Today, maybe I’m a bit fired up.  It’s hot as hell here in sunny Phoenix, Arizona and maybe that’s starting to aggitate me a little more than ususal.  Nevertheless, I have another #MoronFiles entry for you today.

I see a lot of demand letters on behalf of my clients; a product of respresenting different websites. The standard process is: I get a wholly ridiculous demand letter, often written by some pro-per guy (which I totally give leeway to) or attorney that doesn’t practice in the internet space, let alone the niche that revolves around Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act (a “dabbler” if you will); I respond with a TRUCK LOAD of on point law – from federal statues to federal and state case law around the country (often including law in said dabbler’s jurisdiction too) explaining why their demand is without merit (aka, total garbage).  Most of the time that works because smart people or counsel will take time to read the law and come back days later trying to work out an agreement or will otherwise find an alternative path that doesn’t involve my client.  I don’t charge them for providing this free legal education that, in my opinion, (especially if they are an attorney) they should have researched before they sent said dumpster fire of a meritless demand letter.  No big deal – I like educating people.  When the tide rises – so do all the boats, right?

This was not the experience today.  Instead, I get dumpster fire demand letter from a dabbler (I looked counsel up – NOT internet law at all – as in, as far from that as one can get) and from one of my “problem child” states (yes, certain counsel from certain states tend to suck at life more than others); I send the lengthy, but relatively PC “your demand is garbage” with all the case law; and…30 minutes later…I got a response back that said something along the lines of “I disagree with your legal analysis.”  Um, first of all, there is no way in hell you read all that case law in 30 minutes; and second, if you did read it (not possible) a response of “I disagree with your legal analysis” suggests to me that you have a reading comprehension issue. So, you can’t read or you are lazy as f*ck?  Which is it?  My guess? Lazy. As. F*ck.

The additional posturing in the response back suggests to me that this is yet another dabbler who doesn’t give two shits about his/her client and is willing to file meritless legal action, to line his/her pocket with money, with no probable benefit to the client.  Assuming that the court acts in the same manner as all the other cases in this jurisdiction that my clients and others similarly situated have dealt with, and elsewhere around the country, the action will be dismissed right away with ZERO benefit to the client.

I fricken HATE attorneys like that…and this is why this person made the #MoronFiles.  Remember, not all attorneys are created equal.  Some of us actually give a crap and will do the appropriate reasearch ahead of time instead of making you look bad or making your situation worse.

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | I’m not a lawyer…I just play one online.

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shit bags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

04/10/2018 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

It’s been a while, and there have been some probably post worthy matters that I have skipped, but THIS one warrants mention.

Normally this blog touches on people who are indeed real lawyers…and I started this thinking I was dealing with a real lawyer, after all, I see enough dumb stuff that I created this blog series off of it…but as I dug in, this almost makes more sense! Let me explain…

One of my clients received a demand letter today (a send via email in a generic word doc, no formal letterhead, nothing).  The letter alleges to be from a lawyer, with a firm name in a signature block, but sent from a Gmail account.  Let me first say, anytime I receive a letter from a lawyer, representing a client, from a Gmail account, I cringe. Dude, a domain is cheap and so is associated email.  You automatically lose credibility in my book but that’s another story for a different day.  I read through the letter (blah, blah, blah…”[s]evere legal action will be taken against you”…blah, blah, blah…”we assure you in the strongest terms” blah blah blah, we will “leave no stone unturned”…blah, blah, blah).  Okay, severe legal action? As opposed to regular legal action? Strongest terms? Leaving no stone unturned? Wait, are you Perry Mason?  No? You have Perry Mason envy don’t you?  Sigh. Who comes up with this crap? Oh, this person…

To begin with, let’s just say this is another case of some moron having no damn clue what they are talking about…all the blah blah blah is really just a bunch of lame bullshit they probably read somewhere online and thought it might apply to their “client’s” situation when it doesn’t.  Not even a little bit.  That Google law degree isn’t working so well for ya pal.  What’s even more funny…the person appears to be a total fraud!

So wondering what kind of ding dong would write this kind of stuff I start researching.  The state this person purports to be an attorney in has, like many states, a mandatory state bar registry.  Guess what?  Not listed in the registry.  Look up the LLC that is the alleged firm name on the Corporation Commission records…yeah, entity doesn’t exist.  Look up the address – it might be an apartment (which to be clear, thanks to technology, there are a ton of home based attorneys and there is nothing wrong with that at all – it’s a great way to go!) but in this case it added to the suspicion. Icing on this shit cake – looked into the name provided – court records for recent arrests for a person with that very unique name.  Could there be others named the same living in the same area? Possibly…but given everything else, I sort of doubt it.  Either this is a really shoddy attorney or a person who really sucks at pretending to be an attorney.

There are enough bad lawyers out there…what’s worse is bad people, who are not lawyers but pretending to be lawyers, holding themselves out as such.  By the way such conduct is called the unauthorized (or unlicensed) practice of law and is typically considered a crime.  So indeed, this one makes the #MORONFILES!

UPDATE: This person got turned into the State Bar for Unauthorized Practice of Law and had to sign a document affirming they would stop their ways.  Nope…not a lawyer…and got busted for pretending to be one.  Yeah, that stopped that bullshit in a hurry.

 

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | We will pursue this to the end

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shit bags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

08/23/2017 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

Don’t get me wrong, I have spent my fair share of time in the litigation arena, but by now you probably know what I think of F’n Litigators and those that come all “I Demand” at you.  Today we’ve got another winner of the turd trophy award with the “we will pursue this to the end” statement from what appears to be a group of confused counsel.  Why are they confused?  Well, first they haven’t done research because if they had, they would realize that my client wouldn’t be liable for the problems they are experiencing. Nevertheless, they send a letter demanding certain action anyway.  Okay, understandable…they are advocating for their client’s perceived rights and a nice response goes back – trying to be helpful by explaining options, etc.  These people must be not that busy because a response comes back near immediately explaining that they are considering litigation in State A and will name my client.  Um, now I think you haven’t done your research so let me give you case law in State A, and other states around the country, that explains that their argument is without legal merit and a bunch of other “don’t do this because it’s a bad idea” content.  Cool.  That should take care of it, right?  Nope! Counsel writes back, explains they’ve litigated in State B, and will see the case through to the end.  Um, so which is it? You wanna fight in State A or State B?  And did you even read what I wrote you because I cited law in both State A and B that is on point and NOT in your favor.

Where in the hell do people find these attorneys?  And do these people just like to waste their resources on these kinds of lawyers?  Because I feel like I see a lot of these legally meritless, yet ego filled, letters that are about as helpful and pleasant as an itchy bung-hole…and I know the client is the one that has to pay for it.  Not a fan of wasting client resources.  There are so many things they COULD do to help their client BUT, you know, it’s better to set your client up for eating attorneys fees and costs because of ego.  LET. IT. GO.

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | A “Nominal Defendant”

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

07/05/2017 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

Following a nice four day weekend it’s always fun to come back to the office to a freshly filed complaint against one of your clients. Said complaint was filed out of state (one in which does NOT have jurisdiction over my client for a host of reasons including Plaintiff having agreed to jurisdiction elsewhere), the “cause of action” (which isn’t really a cause of action in the first place – apparently Plaintiff’s counsel confuses causes of action with remedies) is without legal merit, and counsel called my client a “nominal defendant.” Let’s be real here; there is no “nominal defendant.” ALL defendants (in most cases anyway) will have to extend valuable resources and time to deal with even the most handicapped complaint by filing motions to dismiss for lack of jurisdiction or other defenses.  You can’t paint a rainbow on birdshit and call it a rainbow…no, it’s still birdshit.  You know, just so we are clear…

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | You Know You Are A Lazy Lawyer When

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

06/16/2017 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

It’s been a busy few weeks to say the least.  This one will be short and sweet.  If you are going to spend the money to serve someone, you should probably spend some time actually trying to figure out the proper entity to name and statutory agent first.  A way you start this is by trying to run a search in this really cool search engine called Google.  And then you can also use these cool public websites where businesses are registered called the Corporation Commission for the particular state.  That will not only give you proper entity spelling but also who the proper statutory agent for service is.  Now don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes that can be easier said that done for some entities…BUT…this particular one I have in mind is EASILY found online.  What this tells me: lazy lawyer probably just billed his client for less than half ass work that will result in NOTHING because it’s not valid. #Ignored #FeelingSorryForTheirClient

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | F’n Litigators

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

06/13/2017 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

No offense to any of the “normal” professional litigators out there because I work with some AMAZING ones…but what the hell is with the scorched earth approach right out of the box?  You are not an ape.  Stop pounding your chest.  I understand getting a little frustrated after repeated inquiries  (when there is merit to your position) however, when you come out of the box swinging, threatening meritless litigation (because you are too lazy to f’n do some legal research before running the diarrhea of the fingers on your keyboard) you are not setting yourself up for good things to come.  This is especially true when you are asking for a favor – you know, asking someone to do something they are not legally obligated to do.  You can bet that counsel like me will remember your shit attitude in the future, your name will be marked on the “shit list”, and you won’t be given any courtesies in the future.  Your shitty attitude has just screwed any future clients who may be similarly situated.  You want to be helpful to your clients?  Check that ego at the door. Respect begets respect and people remember how you treat them.

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | You Signed Your Name on This?

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

05/31/2017 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

So here is a new one for the books.  A business client of mine is served with a third-party Subpoena Duces Tecum (fancy way of saying it’s asking for documents or things) today.  Today is May 31st – and this is important and you will see why in a minute.  Okay, standard procedure…except: 1) it’s an Amended Subpoena (never received the original subpoena); 2) allegedly issued from a state court that is in another state (so yeah, that’s not going to work – domestication pal); 3) asking for information to be provided back in the middle of April “to avoid having to make an appearance” (so, we get to time travel like Marty McFly?); 4) the said date of appearance was also scheduled for back in the middle of April (hmmm, must be banking on more of that time travel); 5) the date of said Amended Subpoena was dated back on the first of this month (so you know, the document production and/or appearance was supposed to occur BEFORE it was even signed AND the person apparently couldn’t get it served for over 30 days); 6) the Subpoena had no case number; and…oh, this is the best part… 7) WAIT FOR IT…WAIT FOR IT…when I looked up the case caption…there is no case pending with that case caption in that court!  You have got to be kidding me!?!  To top it off, right there at the bottom of this pile of crap is the name, bar number and signature of the attorney that paid to have it served upon my client.  Well alrighty then Shady McShaderson…

  • 06/08/2017 – UPDATE on “Shady McShaderson” | Just when you thought that things couldn’t get any more ridiculous than what was mentioned above…when “Shady McShaderson” got called out for above mentioned antics the response back was basically that the law of the state allows for attorneys to do a subpoena without a case number.  Ummm, come again?  I’m well aware of the pre-litigation discovery process in the particular state and this is NOT in line with the procedure, pal.  I don’t care what color you paint your abuse of process turd…it’s still a stinky turd!
  • 8/23/2017 – UPDATE on “Shady McShaderson” | Whoa! Shady McShaderson got a case going! So after sending a complete BS subpoena, for a case that doesn’t exist, and Shady McShaderson realized my client has ignored it, the genius counsel finally filed a case!  How did we find out? Genius counsel provided us with a case number…and only the case number. That’s it?  Come on…how much lazier and shadier can you get?  Of course such action was called out and it was explained, again, what the PROPER procedure is…  The response “no worries…”  Where do they find these people?  And how do they keep a bar license?
Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | I Demand!

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

05/23/2017 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

Perhaps not as good as the prior entry, however, this is still worth a note because it is one of my biggest pet peeves. If an individual or entity is NOT (emphasis on the NOT) legally obligated to take any action in connection with your situation one wonders what in the world counsel is thinking when they write a letter and use the phrase “I demand…” in bold and underlined, in the closing of their letter. You “demand!?!” What? Are you my mother asking me to do my chores or else I’m going to be grounded for the summer? Given the fact that your tone is complete shit, and my client has ZERO legal obligation to do anything, your “demand” is now being filed away and NOT responded to. #DENIED! Why? Because I’m not interested in dealing with an ass-hat and you have now given me NO incentive to even look at your materials.  Moral to the story: Like my momma always says “you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.” I subscribe to that philosophy…plus I like to treat others as I would expect to be treated.

 

Anette B.

So Good You Can’t Make It Up | A Collection From the #MoronFiles

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those here for your reading pleasure:

07/05/2017 – A “Nominal Defendant” | Following a nice four day weekend it’s always fun to come back to the office to a freshly filed complaint against one of your clients. Said complaint was filed out of state (one in which does NOT have jurisdiction over my client for a host of reasons including Plaintiff having agreed to jurisdiction elsewhere), the “cause of action” (which isn’t really a cause of action in the first place – apparently Plaintiff’s counsel confuses causes of action with remedies) is without legal merit, and counsel called my client a “nominal defendant.” Let’s be real here; there is no “nominal defendant.” ALL defendants (in most cases anyway) will have to extend valuable resources and time to deal with even the most handicapped complaint by filing motions to dismiss for lack of jurisdiction or other defenses.  You can’t paint a rainbow on birdshit and call it a rainbow…no, it’s still birdshit.  You know, just so we are clear…

06/16/2017 – You Know You Are A Lazy Lawyer When | It’s been a busy few weeks to say the least.  This one will be short and sweet.  If you are going to spend the money to serve someone, you should probably spend some time actually trying to figure out the proper entity to name and statutory agent first.  A way you start this is by trying to run a search in this really cool search engine called Google.  And then you can also use these cool public websites where businesses are registered called the Corporation Commission for the particular state.  That will not only give you proper entity spelling but also who the proper statutory agent for service is.  Now don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes that can be easier said that done for some entities…BUT…this particular one I have in mind is EASILY found online.  What this tells me: lazy lawyer probably just billed his client for less than half ass work that will result in NOTHING because it’s not valid. #Ignored #FeelingSorryForTheirClient

06/13/2017 – F’n Litigators | No offense to any of the “normal” professional litigators out there because I work with some AMAZING ones…but what the hell is with the scorched earth approach right out of the box?  You are not an ape.  Stop pounding your chest.  I understand getting a little frustrated after repeated inquiries  (when there is merit to your position) however, when you come out of the box swinging, threatening meritless litigation (because you are too lazy to f’n do some legal research before running the diarrhea of the fingers on your keyboard) you are not setting yourself up for good things to come.  This is especially true when you are asking for a favor – you know, asking someone to do something they are not legally obligated to do.  You can bet that counsel like me will remember your shit attitude in the future, your name will be marked on the “shit list”, and you won’t be given any courtesies in the future.  Your shitty attitude has just screwed any future clients who may be similarly situated.  You want to be helpful to your clients?  Check that ego at the door. Respect begets respect and people remember how you treat them.

05/31/2017 – You Signed Your Name on This? | So here is a new one for the books.  A business client of mine is served with a third-party Subpoena Duces Tecum (fancy way of saying it’s asking for documents or things) today.  Today is May 31st – and this is important and you will see why in a minute.  Okay, standard procedure…except: 1) it’s an Amended Subpoena (never received the original subpoena); 2) allegedly issued from a state court that is in another state (so yeah, that’s not going to work – domestication pal); 3) asking for information to be provided back in the middle of April “to avoid having to make an appearance” (so, we get to time travel like Marty McFly?); 4) the said date of appearance was also scheduled for back in the middle of April (hmmm, must be banking on more of that time travel); 5) the date of said Amended Subpoena was dated back on the first of this month (so you know, the document production and/or appearance was supposed to occur BEFORE it was even signed AND the person apparently couldn’t get it served for over 30 days); 6) the Subpoena had no case number; and…oh, this is the best part… 7) WAIT FOR IT…WAIT FOR IT…when I looked up the case caption…there is no case pending with that case caption in that court!  You have got to be kidding me!?!  To top it off, right there at the bottom of this pile of crap is the name, bar number and signature of the attorney that paid to have it served upon my client.  Well alrighty then Shady McShaderson…

  • 06/08/2017 – UPDATE on “Shady McShaderson” | Just when you thought that things couldn’t get any more ridiculous than what was mentioned above…when “Shady McShaderson” got called out for above mentioned antics the response back was basically that the law of the state allows for attorneys to do a subpoena without a case number.  Ummm, come again?  I’m well aware of the pre-litigation discovery process in the particular state and this is NOT in line with the procedure, pal.  I don’t care what color you paint your abuse of process turd…it’s still a stinky turd!
  • 8/23/2017 – UPDATE on “Shady McShaderson” | Whoa! Shady McShaderson got a case going! So after sending a BS subpoena, for a case that doesn’t exist, Shady McShaderson and realized we’ve ignored it, the genius counsel finally filed a case!  What did said genius counsel do? Provided us with a case number.  That’s it?  What a fricken moron.  Come on…how much lazier and shadier can you get?  Of course such action was called out and it was explained, again, what the PROPER procedure is…  The response “no worries…”  Where do they find these people?  And how do they keep a bar license?

05/23/2017 – I Demand! | Perhaps not as good as the prior entry, however, this is still worth a note because it is one of my biggest pet peeves. If an individual or entity is NOT (emphasis on the NOT) legally obligated to take any action in connection with your situation one wonders what in the world counsel is thinking when they write a letter and use the phrase “I demand…” in bold and underlined, in the closing of their letter. You “demand!?!” What? Are you my mother asking me to do my chores or else I’m going to be grounded for the summer? Given the fact that your tone is complete shit, and my client has ZERO legal obligation to do anything, your “demand” is now being filed away and NOT responded to. #DENIED! Why? Because I’m not interested in dealing with an ass-hat and you have now given me NO incentive to even look at your materials.  Moral to the story: Like my momma always says “you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.” I subscribe to that philosophy…plus I like to treat others as I would expect to be treated.

05/12/2017 – Disbarred Attorney | Today I reviewed a rather rude communication from an individual who wrote a meritless threatening letter (and I mean, the person couldn’t possibly have a viable claim based upon statute of limitations and other precedent law given the situation) making dumb statements and signed their name with “a Dallas lawyer” and a request that the communication be taken seriously.  Sure thing there good buddy!  Well, when I receive communications that I perceive to be on the “shittier side of Sears” (my spin on the old “softer side of Sears” advertising) I will look into the individual.  Ah, low and behold said “Dallas lawyer,” was DISBARRED from the state of Texas over two years ago for some rather naughty stuff…as in the crime allegedly committed is a felony in the state.  Right there, on the State Bar website, CLEAR AS DAY, it said this person was DISBARRED.  The State law there says that you are not a lawyer in the state unless you are licence to practice there.  So, no person, that makes you NOT a Texas attorney…and, in fact, your state can make holding yourself out as an attorney, when you aren’t, a felony.  Get that? F-E-L-O-N-Y.  Yeah, poor decision on your part.  Asshat.

Until next time friends…

 

Anette B.

From the #MoronFiles | Disbarred Attorney

PRELUDE: 

Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that I see all kinds of crazy stuff in my line of work. Some of the things that come across my desk make me frustrated with society and you probably know that I blog about Fighting Fair on the Internet because of the things that I see.  In addition, sometimes the things that I see that frustrate me include others that are part of my profession. Like any profession, there are certain shit bags (okay, maybe they aren’t all shitbags…just most of them) out there that give us lawyers a bad reputation and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

Some things that I see warrant a full blog article – so I write those.  Others just warrant a short mention because I find the conduct both outrageous AND funny.  I’ve decided to start a collection of true stories, with some identifying facts modified so I don’t have to deal with the psychos, and will be continually adding more of those to the #MORONFILES for your reading pleasure:

05/12/2017 #MORONFILES ENTRY:

Today I reviewed a rather rude communication from an individual who wrote a meritless threatening letter (and I mean, the person couldn’t possibly have a viable claim based upon statute of limitations and other precedent law given the situation) making dumb statements and signed their name with “a Dallas lawyer” and a request that the communication be taken seriously.  Sure thing there good buddy!  Well, when I receive communications that I perceive to be on the “shittier side of Sears” (my spin on the old “softer side of Sears” advertising) I will look into the individual.  Ah, low and behold said “Dallas lawyer,” was DISBARRED from the state of Texas over two years ago for some rather naughty stuff…as in the crime allegedly committed is a felony in the state.  Right there, on the State Bar website, CLEAR AS DAY, it said this person was DISBARRED.  The State law there says that you are not a lawyer in the state unless you are licence to practice there.  So, no person, that makes you NOT a Texas attorney…and, in fact, your state can make holding yourself out as an attorney, when you aren’t, a felony.  Get that? F-E-L-O-N-Y.  Yeah, poor decision on your part.  Asshat.