Relationships

Anette B.

What does your workload and Thanksgiving have in common?

Working diligent and effectively at all things in life is good. At the same time, when you are diligent and effective, others can see that as an opportunity to pile you up with more tasks and that can be a slippery slope. Saying “no” (realistically) early and often when you start getting overwhelmed is important for your well being and helps set boundaries with those lovely little “task delegators.”

Think of your workload like food. You can pile a mound of food on your plate like it’s a Thanksgiving feast, and you want to be sure and take a little bit of everything so not to offend anyone who contributed to the meal, but the reality is, your stomach is only so big and you can only eat so much at a time, right?  Even if you gorge yourself to the point of not being able to move…you become sluggish and tired and likely feel like crap.  Am I right?  Hey, we’ve all been there!  And what would happen if you continued such a “Thanksgiving feast” heavy eating pattern on a daily basis?  Never saying no to the food?  You’d likely grow to an unhealthy weight and be perpetually sluggish and tired – along with the development of other ailments like sleeplessness. Similarly, it’s important to remember that your plate is only so big.  If you pile the plate high enough, eventually food falls off the plate, onto the floor, and likely ends up in the trash, right?  So how do we normally manage a full plate of food?  Well, you take a little bit – eat it all – and if you’re still hungry, you go back for seconds, right?

Your workload, in the office or in life, is no different. You can’t live every day like it’s Thanksgiving and you can’t say no to great grandma Jean’s corn pudding or aunt Suzie’s pumpkin cheesecake.  It will literally make you less effective and likely sick – in more ways than one.  When people are trying to delegate more than what you can reasonably handle, recognize this!  Say “no” (and mean it) early and often to protect your health and sanity.

Until next time friends…

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Anette B.

What’s in a Personality Test? Inside the Mind of Someone in the 8-12% ESTJ Category.

A few months ago I had the privilege of meeting a gentleman at a conference that explained to me his unique hiring process for his law firm. Instead of hiring and promoting based upon the traditional norms that one would expect he explained his philosophy for utilizing a personality test. Yes, that’s right, a personality test. As a person who has been in a position to do hiring and firing of employees and putting together teams – often moving people to coincide with their strengths so the can succeed rather than setting them up to fail – I was fascinated by this concept.  Truely fascinated. By the end of the short and casual conversation I felt that this guy had my personality pretty much pegged which made his comments regarding me being “rare” and “valuable” all the more interesting.  Apparently I was, in his mind at least, a “visionary” who also possessed the ability to “follow through.”

I’d like to think that I’m rather humble and maybe have a hard time accepting such compliments, especially when it comes to work, but this peaked my curiosity and I honestly wanted to know what it was that he saw that wasn’t so readily apparent to me. I didn’t see the significance. He then offered to allow me to take a personality test and visit with me about the results. I was absolutely interested and I almost couldn’t take it fast enough.  The results?  He was right!  The results suggested that I was indeed a visionary and a follow through person with the added near off the chart ability to adapt and work in a position that may not suit my personality for a long period of time and need for a high level of autonomy once I have mastered a task – which doesn’t take long for me.  I guess that explains why I’m not the “job hopping” type.  Sounds great, right?  Well, it depends on how you look at it, but for me, it kind of explains a lot about struggles I have experienced.

After taking his test (via the Culture Index) I really started digging in and trying to learn and understand more about what made me tick. I want to understand why I can butt heads with certain individuals yet have so many who have worked with me and under me say “take me with you” when I’ve considered a change in employment.  Accordingly, I began taking additional legitimate personality tests and studying up on my results.

Research suggests that people with personalities like mine make up only about 8-12% of the population.  This “executive” personality, also referred to as ESTJ by psychologists, is shared with people like Sonya Sotomayor, John D. Rockefeller, Steve Jobs, “Judge Judy,” Frank Sinatra and James Monroe.  At least I’m among some interesting company, right?  According to a test taken at 16Personalities.com I’m part of 11% of the population  with my ESTJ (-A/-T) personality.
Nevertheless, as cool as all this sounds, having this type of a personality can be both a blessing and a curse at the same time…but at least it is now making more sense.  16Personalities.com explains that “[s]trong believers in the rule of law and authority that must be earned, Executive personalities lead by example, demonstrating dedication and purposeful honesty, and an utter rejection of laziness and cheating, especially in work.”  Yeah, that last part is indeed a struggle for me.  I know when someone is being lazy or sort of halfassing something in order to just barely past muster.

Similarly, because I think of any group I’m part of as a team, the following passage from 16Personalities.com also makes sense: “Executives don’t work alone, and they expect their reliability and work ethic to be reciprocated – people with this personality type meet their promises, and if partners or subordinates jeopardize them through incompetence or laziness, or worse still, dishonesty, they do not hesitate to show their wrath.  For me, I don’t know that I would call it “wrath” per se, as I typically will handle matters as diplomatically as possible, but indeed I can see through BS and depending on the situation I may call someone on it.

Along the same lines, 16Personalities.com states that those with Executive personalities “show clear and consistent tendencies, and these are especially visible in the workplace. Whether subordinates, among colleagues or as managers, people with the [Executive] personality type create order, follow the rules, and work to ensure that their work and the work of those around them is completed to the highest standards. Cutting corners and shirking responsibility are the quickest ways to lose respect.”  This could not be more true for me. Not to say that a cut corner with a solid purpose won’t fly and may not even been encouraged when necessary, but when it’s to just be “good enough” without reason that I struggle with it.

I suppose it’s not all bad though.  Thanks to research, I have learned that the strengths of this personality of mine include (as provided by 16Personalities.com):

  • Dedicated – Seeing things to completion borders on an ethical obligation for Executives. Tasks aren’t simply abandoned because they’ve become difficult or boring – people with the Executive personality type take them up when they are the right thing to do, and they will be finished so long as they remain the right thing to do.
  • Strong-willed – A strong will makes this dedication possible, and Executives don’t give up their beliefs because of simple opposition. Executives defend their ideas and principles relentlessly, and must be proven clearly and conclusively wrong for their stance to budge.
  • Direct and Honest – Executives trust facts far more than abstract ideas or opinions. Straightforward statements and information are king, and Executive personalities return the honesty (whether it’s wanted or not).
  • Loyal, Patient and Reliable – Executives work to exemplify truthfulness and reliability, considering stability and security very important. When Executives say they’ll do something, they keep their word, making them very responsible members of their families, companies and communities.
  • Enjoy Creating Order – Chaos makes things unpredictable, and unpredictable things can’t be trusted when they are needed most – with this in mind, Executives strive to create order and security in their environments by establishing rules, structures and clear roles.
  • Excellent Organizers – This commitment to truth and clear standards makes Executives capable and confident leaders. People with this personality type have no problem distributing tasks and responsibilities to others fairly and objectively, making them excellent administrators.

I find all of these to be true, especially the last two.  I genuinely enjoy taking a business, observing its processes and figuring out how to make it more organized and efficient – especially if it results in a reduction in costs/overhead.  It’s just a skill that I have and one that I have used to create departments and implement policies and procedures for the same successfully.   In fact, if your company could use some help in this department, contact me for consulting! I’m happy to help!

At the same time, however, some of the typical weaknesses that I do recognize with my personality is that I can be considered stubborn or inflexible (especially without proof of concept) and I can find it difficult to relax.  A need for respect fosters a need to maintain dignity, which can make it difficult to cut loose and relax for risk of looking the fool. This is true in personal life and at work. Similarly, when it comes to work being done right, because I cannot accept shoddy or incomplete work, it’s not out of the ordinary for me to either send the work back to be fixed as many times as necessary or to just take it upon myself to fix the problem before it is presented. That need for respect and not wanting to look like a fool extends to work product as well for myself, my firm, or company I’m working for which means that if I am not careful, I can become overloaded and then feel overwhelmed.  Fortunately I am cognizant of these issues and I work on keeping myself in check.  Sometimes I’m better at it than others for sure.

All I can say is if you haven’t taken a personality test before, do it!  The test from 16Personalities.com had incredibly accurate results for me and the write up is quite interesting as you can see from some excerpts from this blog article.  Maybe you too will have an “Ah ha!” moment and have a greater understanding of how you operate and interact with others the way you do.  Who know, maybe through self evaluation you will realize that the job you are in now isn’t what’s best for you personality type and you may just decide to make a change for the better!  Life is short…find what makes you happy and feeds your soul.

Until next time friends…

Anette B.

Fighting Fair on the Internet – Part 7 | Freedom of Speech – the Double Edged Sword

If you’ve been keeping up with this Fighting Fair on the Internet blog series you know I believe that: the Internet sucks (well, it can suck); we as a society have lost the human connection and manners; opinions are like poop (we need more courtesy flushes); no one really likes the person who crosses the line online; words DO hurt; and that my hope is that people can dig down and make America KIND again…and that really goes for the rest of the world caught up in the three-ring circus without a ring-master that is life.  This of course begs the question: what is the root cause of the problem?  I could run a poll of 1,000 different people and I suspect I could get 1,000 different answers to that question.  So let’s look at one concept:  Freedom of Speech.

I know this is a huge topic and there is no way I could touch on all aspects but recently a situation occurred that made me look at both sides of the freedom of speech coin.  Sure, I have thought about it a lot – especially given the nature of my line of work – but this was different.  You know, the funny thing about freedom of speech is that rarely does one dislike it unless and until something is said or written negatively about them or it otherwise provokes negative emotions within.  And, I suppose it goes without saying, that what one person finds offensive will often not be the same, at least to the same degree, as the next person.  I believe that each person and their perspectives are shaped by their unique set of circumstances in life – upbringing, religion, education, and personal life experiences.  For example, one who may have been brought up in a family where there was domestic violence in the home may have a much deeper and more passionate emotion on the subject than one who didn’t have such trauma in their life growing up.  Someone could joke about it to someone that hasn’t experience it and it may come across funny.  However, the same joke to the person who has experienced it may not find it so funny.  The thing is, there really is not a “bright line” rule and therefore leaves a lot of room for disagreements.

Let’s look at freedom of speech in a social context:  Typically if something is said more generally – it’s likely to be less offensive to an individual.  Someone might say “I don’t like the president!” and while some people may disagree with that opinion they are not likely to take it personally.  That’s because  it’s not about them personally.  But what happens when criticism is directed towards a specific individual?  I don’t know a single person that likes criticism of any kind.  True, some people take criticism better than others but still, even constructive criticism, can take a toll on one’s emotional well-being depending on how the information is presented.

I don’t think Newton’s Third Law: “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” applies only to motion.  Think about kids on the playground; one kid says something mean or does something mean to another kid, the first reaction, right or wrong, for the kid on the receiving end is to do something mean back – whether it be harsh words or physical violence.  The internet has, in many respects, become a giant sandbox full of bratty little children – except, most people interacting online aren’t “children.”  Someone expresses their negative opinion, or worse – maybe makes up some kind of total BS, about someone online and then what happens?  The person who got called out, out of hurt feelings and anger, will likely come up with something equally as mean, or worse, back.  It’s like a perpetual fight that never seems to end, and, worse yet, the playground fight is online, for all to see, FOREVER.  Then what sets in is the fools remorse that I talk about in my presentations and briefly in my article that speaks on the topic of crossing the line online…and many times there isn’t much that can be done about it.  You can’t un-ring a bell.

Final thoughts:  Be careful with your words in person, and especially online.  It’s okay for you exercises your free speech right to voice your opinion about things, but if you do it about someone specifically, right or wrong, you should be prepared and understand that there is a good chance that the person who you wrote about may exercise their freedom of speech, possible with “playground tactics,” to come back with the same, or even worse, reaction.  And remember, not all opinions are created equal.  Sometimes it’s okay to give an opinion a “courtesy flush.”

Until next time friends.

 

 

Anette B.

You Named Your Kid What?! Brilliant!

Have you ever read a celebrity tabloid and thought “Why in the world anyone ever name their kid that?”  I know I have.  For example, in an article by Australian KidSpot.com.au, they listed off “Celebrity baby names top 20 – the crazy list.”  The top name listed?  Pilot Inspektor.  Yes, you read that right and I didn’t goof on the spelling…Pilot Inspektor.  Now, traditionally I would chuckle and think such a name was just goofy…until today.  It dawned on me that in today’s internet world, arguably – and I know how silly it sounds – you are almost doing your child a favor by giving them a very unique name and/or unique spelling of their name. Let me explain more.

A while ago I blogged about the potential pitfalls to otherwise good business names. Indeed, so many new businesses fall victim to picking out an awesome name for their new business only to find out months later – post legal documents, marketing materials, etc., that another business, perhaps located elsewhere in the country – that the similarly named business has a bad rap online.  Unfortunately, the untrained consumer may think that the two businesses are one in the same and thus, you brand new business already has a “bad reputation” and that new business hasn’t even done anything wrong.  Heck, you might not have even officially launched!

Interestingly, the concept regarding business name and reputation ALSO applies to individuals too.  I once thought I had a unique name until I ran a search on Google and realized that there were a few people in the country with my exact same name, in some cases even the same spelling, and in one instance, the lady was also in the legal field!  Did I mention she also had long dark hair like me too?  Talk about a creepy coincidence.  But let’s say for example that one of these other Anette Beebes were out in the world doing bad things, or perceived bad things, that people were writing about on public forums?  I know people looking for ME would think, or at least question, whether or not those postings were about actually about me…when obviously it wasn’t.  Wow…yeah, let that sink in for a minute?

Of course, there isn’t much that I can do about it now unless I want to legally change my name to something different…like the story of that one British guy that allegedly changed his name to “Captain Fantastic Faster Than SuperMan SpiderMan Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined.”  The way the description reads he might as well just changed his name to Usain Bolt…but I guess that was already taken.  There is also always doing what most people do, explain it away if given the opportunity.  But what can the child having population do?  Name their kids like a celebrity!  Come up with something totally out there and wacky.

I know!  It’s sounds crazy writing it too…and part of this is kind of in jest (although there is always some shred of truth to jest) but think about it.  If you  named your kid something CRAZY and spelled a name with awkward phonetics, chances of that child being mistaken for someone else is probably going to be drastically reduced.  Celebrity parents who name their kids goofy names…way to be a head of the times – even if you don’t know it.  Maybe, for the sake of  their kid’s future reputations or purely out of having a sense of humor, other non-celebrity parents will consider following suit

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If you find this comical or have unique names that you have heard please share them in the comments.  We all can use a good giggle now and then.

Anette B.

Fighting Fair on the Internet | Part 6 – Make America KIND Again

 

It has been a while since I have written anything on this topic…but having seen so much chaos go on online today that it sparked my desire to write.  In the wake of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election these are my thoughts as they relate to what kinds of sentiments I have seen portrayed online:

Remember, the key to your happiness does not lie with having a female president or a male president…happiness begins with YOU; choosing to be happy and find the good in any set of given circumstances is solely within YOUR power.

My heart hurts for those who are feeling a sense of hopeless and despair in the wake of this very heated election…and to each of you I’d give you a huge hug if I could because no matter what…we are ALL in this together and we will deal with things as they come TOGETHER as a nation.

People always fear and fight against change…no matter how big or small the change is. That is human nature. It probably goes without saying but just think about the way we all went about business before technology.  I can recall what it was like trying to explain to the older attorneys that I worked with that we had to change over and adapt to new technology.  Attorneys by nature tend to be stubborn and I can tell you that the attorneys that I worked with, no matter how great of lawyers they were, the ones that were older were worse than mules!  This, conceptually, is no different but in the end, IT WILL BE OKAY. WE WILL ALL BE OKAY.

Please stop saying if you supported this candidate or that candidate you are (enter here any of the stupid words and phrases that the media has spewed at you for two years – most of which many had to look of the definitions of and or didn’t look up the definitions but would repeat).  Seriously, stop.  How does that help anything?   Really…stop and think about it. How does labeling and calling names help anything other than your own ego?   The same goes with saying “I’m moving to Canada!”  The truth is, you probably aren’t moving to Canada and, if you do, good luck on their citizenship process – by the time you become a citizen this election term, plus half of the next, will likely be half over.

People make choices and decisions based upon their personal life experiences, beliefs, upbringings, faith, education, etc.  No single one of us has had the same experiences and therefore we are all going to look at this world, including politics, a little differently. IT’S OKAY TO SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY! Different doesn’t mean wrong…it’s just different.

No president can make you a kind person.  No president can make you a loving person. No president can make one have a sense of self-respect or morals. No president can give you the drive and determination to want to work hard and go after your goals.  Indeed, they can encourage those things, but it’s UP TO YOU to make your life better and to make yourself happy regardless of the circumstances.  Don’t place the power of YOUR HAPPINESS into someone else’s hands…you will wind up disappointed.

It’s okay to be apprehensive. It’s okay to be a little emotional. We are all human, and if you’re reading this, you are probably a fine human with many wonderful qualities.  At the same time, none of us are perfect so I give you this thought:  Being bitter and shitty to other people, friends or strangers in person or online over your differences, only prolongs YOUR unhappiness…and really says more about YOU as a person than it does anything else.

There is a reason I have this entire blog series about “Fighting Fair on the Internet” and all of this has made an excellent case study and proves my point – we have lost the human connection and it’s time to bring it back and relearn and implement some manners. Being silent when you want to verbally throat punch someone isn’t weakness…it’s called GRACE, and grace my friends, is a strength that few today seem to possess.

I have read today some really UGLY reactions to the outcome of last night’s presidential election.  On the other hand, I have read some of the most BEAUTIFUL words by friends who, while disappointed with the election results, found hope and a willingness to move forward…recognizing that we are all in this together and we, together, can do great things. To those people…thank you for share the kind words and inspiration.

Be HUMBLE. Be KIND. Be UPLIFTING instead of degrading. INSPIRE others to fulfill their dreams and realize their full potential. EDUCATE when education is helpful but not just to be “right” or vengeful for self gratification.  Let’s make America KIND again…and KNOW that the POWER for all of these things lies within YOU.

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If any of this resonates with you, or you agree with that I have said, please consider sharing this article and/or leave me a comment.

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Anette B.

Entrepreneurship can be a lonely place.

Regardless of which side of the political fence you are on (or maybe sitting in the stream in the middle) one can’t help but notice how the general public seems to point fingers and utilize one’s personal love life, or the lack thereof, as some sort of measuring stick for their perceived abilities to be a strong leader in business and/or the political arena.  To those who do the finger pointing in this manner, I ask you the following: Have you actually ever been a successful business person?  While perhaps I am over generalizing here I am going to go out on a limb and will guess not because, the truth is, entrepreneurship/business leadership can be a very, very, lonely place.

For the purpose of this article I will refer to entrepreneurs, however, this really could apply to any higher-up type business leader.  The responsibilities and worries for a entrepreneur/business leader are very different than that of the time clock punching worker-bee.  Not that there is anything wrong with being a worker-bee but my point is, the worker-bee goes to work, turns on the lights, clocks in, does their designated duties for the set shift for the day, clocks out, and then goes home…with free time to do whatever thereafter…inclusive of spending time with family.

By contrast, the entrepreneur, typically doesn’t have that kind of luxury.  The entrepreneur is concerned about keeping the lights on, the equipment maintained, the staff paid and employed…and all of that encompasses ways in which to keep the business thriving. While you are at home spending time with family and friends, and getting sleep, the entrepreneur is up late nights educating themselves on market trends, and trying to navigate changes in industry.  The entrepreneur is up looking at their competitors to figure out how to do things “better.”  The entrepreneur is trying to come up with the next “big thing” to help them grow and become more…so that maybe the company can afford raises or better equipment for its staff.  Even if the entrepreneur has reached a point where they have people to help them with some of these tasks, there is still the challenge of managing people which can be downright exhausting!

With all that the entrepreneur has to worry about, it is no wonder that so many may have a hard time keeping personal relationships a-float.  I myself am guilty of the “just a minute baby, only one more email and then I will come to bed” and then three hours later I head upstairs…usually with the phone in hand to check on different accounts.  Meanwhile my other half has been home for six hours, asleep for three, and I have sucked at paying any attention to him because I have let myself be drawn in and distracted by my work projects.  True, it’s a personal thing I am working on, and I’ve gotten a lot better…but it does still happen on occasion.  Indeed, it takes a very strong partner to understand the demands that are placed on the entrepreneur…and an even stronger one to accept how lonely a relationship with an entrepreneur can be.  To the entrepreneur, that business or project is their baby, which often times means they sacrifice the “typical” relationships for it.  Further, it’s not uncommon for people involved in an entrepreneur to give up because they need more out of the relationship that the entrepreneur can give, and that’s okay too. This, however, does not mean that the entrepreneur is a bad person or a bad business leader…in fact, it could mean the very opposite; that the entrepreneur is willing to sacrifice their personal relationship life for the greater good of their business.  Of course I always advocate for finding balance…but some times that is easier said than done.

Bottom line, when it comes down to it, before you go pointing fingers at people based upon your perception of their failed love life and what that means for them as a business/political leader…I ask you to consider what I just wrote and remember, entrepreneurship can be a very lonely place.

Just some food for thought, friends.  I’d be interested to hear your feedback and experiences.