What’s in a Personality Test? Inside the Mind of Someone in the 8-12% ESTJ Category.

A few months ago I had the privilege of meeting a gentleman at a conference that explained to me his unique hiring process for his law firm. Instead of hiring and promoting based upon the traditional norms that one would expect he explained his philosophy for utilizing a personality test. Yes, that’s right, a personality test. As a person who has been in a position to do hiring and firing of employees and putting together teams – often moving people to coincide with their strengths so the can succeed rather than setting them up to fail – I was fascinated by this concept.  Truely fascinated. By the end of the short and casual conversation I felt that this guy had my personality pretty much pegged which made his comments regarding me being “rare” and “valuable” all the more interesting.  Apparently I was, in his mind at least, a “visionary” who also possessed the ability to “follow through.” 

I’d like to think that I’m rather humble and maybe have a hard time accepting such compliments, especially when it comes to work, but this peaked my curiosity and I honestly wanted to know what it was that he saw that wasn’t so readily apparent to me. I didn’t see the significance. He then offered to allow me to take a personality test and visit with me about the results. I was absolutely interested and I almost couldn’t take it fast enough.  The results?  He was right!  The results suggested that I was indeed a visionary and a follow through person with the added near off the chart ability to adapt and work in a position that may not suit my personality for a long period of time and need for a high level of autonomy once I have mastered a task – which doesn’t take long for me.  I guess that explains why I’m not the “job hopping” type.  Sounds great, right?  Well, it depends on how you look at it, but for me, it kind of explains a lot about struggles I have experienced.

After taking his test (via the Culture Index) I really started digging in and trying to learn and understand more about what made me tick. I want to understand why I can butt heads with certain individuals yet have so many who have worked with me and under me say “take me with you” when I’ve considered a change in employment.  Accordingly, I began taking more legitimate personality tests and studying up on my results. 

Research suggests that people with personalities like mine make up only about 8-12% of the population.  This “executive” personality, also referred to as ESTJ by psychologists, is shared with people like Sonya Sotomayor, John D. Rockefeller, Steve Jobs, “Judge Judy,” Frank Sinatra and James Monroe.  At least I’m among some interesting company, right?  According to a test taken at 16Personalities.com I’m part of 11% of the population  with my ESTJ (-A/-T) personality. 
Nevertheless, as cool as all this sounds, having this type of a personality can be both a blessing and a curse at the same time…but at least it is now making more sense.  16Personalities.com explains that “[s]trong believers in the rule of law and authority that must be earned, Executive personalities lead by example, demonstrating dedication and purposeful honesty, and an utter rejection of laziness and cheating, especially in work.”  Yeah, that last part is indeed a struggle for me.  I know when someone is being lazy or sort of halfassing something in order to just barely past muster. 

Similarly, because I think of any group I’m part of as a team, the following passage from 16Personalities.com also makes sense: “Executives don’t work alone, and they expect their reliability and work ethic to be reciprocated – people with this personality type meet their promises, and if partners or subordinates jeopardize them through incompetence or laziness, or worse still, dishonesty, they do not hesitate to show their wrath.  For me, I don’t know that I would call it “wrath” per se, as I typically will handle matters as diplomatically as possible, but indeed I can see through BS and depending on the situation I may call someone on it.

Along the same lines, 16Personalities.com states that those with Executive personalities “show clear and consistent tendencies, and these are especially visible in the workplace. Whether subordinates, among colleagues or as managers, people with the [Executive] personality type create order, follow the rules, and work to ensure that their work and the work of those around them is completed to the highest standards. Cutting corners and shirking responsibility are the quickest ways to lose respect.”  This could not be more true for me. Not to say that a cut corner with a solid purpose won’t fly and may not even been encouraged when necessary, but when it’s to just be “good enough” without reason that I struggle with it.

I suppose it’s not all bad though.  Thanks to research, I have learned that the strengths of this personality of mine include (as provided by 16Personalities.com): 

  • Dedicated – Seeing things to completion borders on an ethical obligation for Executives. Tasks aren’t simply abandoned because they’ve become difficult or boring – people with the Executive personality type take them up when they are the right thing to do, and they will be finished so long as they remain the right thing to do.
  • Strong-willed – A strong will makes this dedication possible, and Executives don’t give up their beliefs because of simple opposition. Executives defend their ideas and principles relentlessly, and must be proven clearly and conclusively wrong for their stance to budge.
  • Direct and Honest – Executives trust facts far more than abstract ideas or opinions. Straightforward statements and information are king, and Executive personalities return the honesty (whether it’s wanted or not).
  • Loyal, Patient and Reliable – Executives work to exemplify truthfulness and reliability, considering stability and security very important. When Executives say they’ll do something, they keep their word, making them very responsible members of their families, companies and communities.
  • Enjoy Creating Order – Chaos makes things unpredictable, and unpredictable things can’t be trusted when they are needed most – with this in mind, Executives strive to create order and security in their environments by establishing rules, structures and clear roles.
  • Excellent Organizers – This commitment to truth and clear standards makes Executives capable and confident leaders. People with this personality type have no problem distributing tasks and responsibilities to others fairly and objectively, making them excellent administrators.

I find all of these to be true, especially the last two.  I genuinely enjoy taking a business, observing its processes and figuring out how to make it more organized and efficient – especially if it results in a reduction in costs/overhead.  It’s just a skill that I have and one that I have used to create departments and implement policies and procedures for the same successfully.   In fact, if your company could use some help in this department, contact me for consulting! I’m happy to help! 

At the same time, however, some of the typical weaknesses that I do recognize with my personality is that I can be considered stubborn or inflexible (especially without proof of concept) and I can find it difficult to relax.  A need for respect fosters a need to maintain dignity, which can make it difficult to cut loose and relax for risk of looking the fool. This is true in personal life and at work. Similarly, when it comes to work being done right, because I cannot accept shoddy or incomplete work, it’s not out of the ordinary for me to either send the work back to be fixed as many times as necessary or to just take it upon myself to fix the problem before it is presented. That need for respect and not wanting to look like a fool extends to work product as well for myself, my firm, or company I’m working for which means that if I am not careful, I can become overloaded and then feel overwhelmed.  Fortunately I am cognizant of these issues and I work on keeping myself in check.  Sometimes I’m better at it than others for sure. 

All I can say is if you haven’t taken a personality test before, do it!  The test from 16Personalities.com had incredibly accurate results for me and the write up is quite interesting as you can see from some excerpts from this blog article.  Maybe you too will have an “Ah ha!” moment and have a greater understanding of how you operate and interact with others the way you do.  Who know, maybe through self evaluation you will realize that the job you are in now isn’t what’s best for you personality type and you may just decide to make a change for the better!  Life is short…find what makes you happy and feeds your soul.

Until next time friends…

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Fighting Fair on the Internet | Part 6 – Make America KIND Again

 

It has been a while since I have written anything on this topic…but having seen so much chaos go on online today that it sparked my desire to write.  In the wake of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election these are my thoughts as they relate to what kinds of sentiments I have seen portrayed online:

Remember, the key to your happiness does not lie with having a female president or a male president…happiness begins with YOU; choosing to be happy and find the good in any set of given circumstances is solely within YOUR power.

My heart hurts for those who are feeling a sense of hopeless and despair in the wake of this very heated election…and to each of you I’d give you a huge hug if I could because no matter what…we are ALL in this together and we will deal with things as they come TOGETHER as a nation.

People always fear and fight against change…no matter how big or small the change is. That is human nature. It probably goes without saying but just think about the way we all went about business before technology.  I can recall what it was like trying to explain to the older attorneys that I worked with that we had to change over and adapt to new technology.  Attorneys by nature tend to be stubborn and I can tell you that the attorneys that I worked with, no matter how great of lawyers they were, the ones that were older were worse than mules!  This, conceptually, is no different but in the end, IT WILL BE OKAY. WE WILL ALL BE OKAY.

Please stop saying if you supported this candidate or that candidate you are (enter here any of the stupid words and phrases that the media has spewed at you for two years – most of which many had to look of the definitions of and or didn’t look up the definitions but would repeat).  Seriously, stop.  How does that help anything?   Really…stop and think about it. How does labeling and calling names help anything other than your own ego?   The same goes with saying “I’m moving to Canada!”  The truth is, you probably aren’t moving to Canada and, if you do, good luck on their citizenship process – by the time you become a citizen this election term, plus half of the next, will likely be half over.

People make choices and decisions based upon their personal life experiences, beliefs, upbringings, faith, education, etc.  No single one of us has had the same experiences and therefore we are all going to look at this world, including politics, a little differently. IT’S OKAY TO SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY! Different doesn’t mean wrong…it’s just different.

No president can make you a kind person.  No president can make you a loving person. No president can make one have a sense of self-respect or morals. No president can give you the drive and determination to want to work hard and go after your goals.  Indeed, they can encourage those things, but it’s UP TO YOU to make your life better and to make yourself happy regardless of the circumstances.  Don’t place the power of YOUR HAPPINESS into someone else’s hands…you will wind up disappointed.

It’s okay to be apprehensive. It’s okay to be a little emotional. We are all human, and if you’re reading this, you are probably a fine human with many wonderful qualities.  At the same time, none of us are perfect so I give you this thought:  Being bitter and shitty to other people, friends or strangers in person or online over your differences, only prolongs YOUR unhappiness…and really says more about YOU as a person than it does anything else.

There is a reason I have this entire blog series about “Fighting Fair on the Internet” and all of this has made an excellent case study and proves my point – we have lost the human connection and it’s time to bring it back and relearn and implement some manners. Being silent when you want to verbally throat punch someone isn’t weakness…it’s called GRACE, and grace my friends, is a strength that few today seem to possess.

I have read today some really UGLY reactions to the outcome of last night’s presidential election.  On the other hand, I have read some of the most BEAUTIFUL words by friends who, while disappointed with the election results, found hope and a willingness to move forward…recognizing that we are all in this together and we, together, can do great things. To those people…thank you for share the kind words and inspiration.

Be HUMBLE. Be KIND. Be UPLIFTING instead of degrading. INSPIRE others to fulfill their dreams and realize their full potential. EDUCATE when education is helpful but not just to be “right” or vengeful for self gratification.  Let’s make America KIND again…and KNOW that the POWER for all of these things lies within YOU.

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If any of this resonates with you, or you agree with that I have said, please consider sharing this article and/or leave me a comment.

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Snapchat Story Hit Home With Students

If you read my last blog article discussing how Kids Get the Short End of the Lesson Learning Stick, you know that I think that the internet today has a way of prohibiting kids from learning lessons “the old fashioned way.”  As part of my mission to educate kids (and adults) on the very serious issues that I have seen evolve out of one’s use of the Internet I decided to start guest speaking and my very first stop was my personal home town.

Last Monday I spent my time up at Blue Ridge High School in Lakeside, Arizona giving a presentation to the students regarding Internet use and the repercussions of the same.  This wasn’t your traditional “bullying is bad” speech that most kids get.  This was a full blown actions and consequences from the same speech.  If you want kids to have a clue, you have to tell them why things are bad…not just “be nice because bullying is bad” and use current examples.  Remember, chances are these kids are far more tech savvy than we could even dream of being!

20160516 - BRHS - Junior-Senior - Q2 re Top 4 Social Media platforms

Part of my presentation involves students taking an online quiz.  Out of the 56 students that responded from Session 2 (Junior and Senior students only) I learned that Snapchat was the most popular medium of Social Media being used by the students, following closely by Instagram and Twitter.  Upon learning this I used a very timely article that I just read about involving Snapchat as a teaching opportunity.  I discussed the recent story that has been floating around in mainstream media (e.g. Washington Post, CNN Money, etc.) about the 18 year old girl who was trying to take a selfie, while driving her father’s Mercedes with passengers in the vehicle, at a speed of over 100 mph, just so that she could apply a Snapchat filter to her selfie showing how fast she was going.  According to the articles, the girl ran into another driver causing him permanent injuries and the victim is now suing Snapchat under a product liability theory.  You can read the entire article as published by the Washington Post HERE.  Be prepared to be a little upset over it.

I explained to the students that not only will this girl likely face criminal and civil problems (and fees for counsel relating to the same) but I also talked about how this has become national news; that since she is over the age of 18 her name is plastered all over the internet in connection to her mistake; and to consider the comments that the general public is posting in relation to the article.  I told the kids that people are crazy and if you read the comments, some wanted that girl dead!  Sure it is harsh, but it’s the truth and I told them that this girl is probably the recipient of some serious hate mail because, for whatever reason, that is what this world thinks is right to do.  Indeed, not only does this young girl have to deal with the fact that her actions hurt someone very bad for the rest of her life, and deal with potential civil and criminal claims, but also may have to deal with hate mail…and that her family may also be subject to the same kind of ridicule.  I drove those points home.

Just looking at their faces as I told the story; the number of side conversations that ensued; and the questions that I received from the audience told me they were listening!  They were really listening!

I have been saying for a long time that education needs to happen now and I am pleased to be apart of that process!  If you have or know of a school or youth group that you think need to hear more about this topic, from someone who really understands and can present the information in an informative and entertaining way, consider sending that person this blog article or contact me.  I am currently booking lectures for students (and adults) for 2016 through June 2017.

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If any of this resonates with you, or you agree with that I have said, please consider sharing this article and/or leave me a comment.  I’d love to hear your feedback and/or about your personal experiences.

 

Kids Get the Short End of the Lesson Learning Stick

There is a reason that many of us joke that we sure are glad that we were “young and dumb” before the advent of the internet and technology like smart phones with built in digital cameras, etc.

In my day, being “young and dumb” wasn’t the societal crime that it is made out to be today.  Not because stupid things didn’t happen but mostly because no one knew about the ridiculous things that happened – well except for those few people, usually some friends, that were around at the time.  Sure, there might have been rumors about what happened, but typically there wasn’t evidence of it.  For many of us, were lucky if we had a 35mm camera which required actual film that you had to take to someone to be developed by some stranger…and if you were from a small town, maybe it wasn’t even a stranger.  If you were really lucky, you might have had a Polaroid which gave you instant pictures!  That was as close to “instant” as you got.  Even then, unless you showed that particular picture to every single person in the entire school…not that many people knew that it even existed.  And hidden videos…yeah, have you ever tried to take a “secret” video with a device that required a VHS and had to be carried on your shoulder?  Bullying?  Yeah, it existed…but at least then there were ways to get away from it.  Indeed, while we may not have had all these new advances in technology, in a lot of ways, we were actually really lucky!

We didn’t have social media postings that spread like wildfire and fistfights that got caught on tape.  We weren’t taking selfies and posting half naked pictures of ourselves for the general public to see and basing our self worth on “likes” and “shares.”  More importantly, if we made a dumb mistake, we often had the typical punishment handed down from parents, the school, or maybe the authorities if it was more “drastic” but even then…very few knew about it and, generally speaking, it didn’t haunt you for the rest of your life.  It wasn’t blasted on the internet for the whole world to see…forever.  It’s made even worse by our current news media who pick up a story presumably for “ratings” and call it news…meanwhile the kids, and their futures, are really suffering.  Indeed, back in the day kids could do dumb things, learn from their mistakes, and grow into respectable and responsible adults that have nothing more but stories to tell and wisdom to pass on to younger generations.  Not anymore.  Kids get the short end of the lesson learning stick…

Of course there is an exception to every rule…but generally speaking, kids (and adults) now have to be smarter and think ahead far more than ever before.  As I discuss in Part 4 of my blog series of Fighting Fair on the Internet, not only could you be banned from usage of platforms, but you could get into fights, you could end up with creepy stalkers, you could have a run in with the law – both criminal and civil (even if you tell the truth), you could permanently be scared by something that can’t be removed, and you could lose out on wonderful opportunities – for jobs, college, volunteer organizations, and relationships…and over what?  Some dumb shenanigan that you tried to pull or some other posting made by either yourself, or someone else – that can be haunting forever.

It is clear that times have changed.  Drastically…and unless you are in a position to see and deal with all of the repercussions of what goes on, us adults may not even really know the full extent of what goes on and what can happen.  After all, I myself was completely naive about many things until I got into the current area of law and career path that I am in.  But I have seen a lot – and what I can tell you is that kids (and adults) need some serious education.  I’m not just taking about not being a bully…but far beyond that!

Next Monday I will be giving a presentation to a fully body of High School students on internet use and the consequences of the same.  I have been saying for a long time that education needs to happen now and I am pleased to start that process!  If you have or know of a school or youth group that you think need to hear more about this topic, from someone who really understands and can present the information in an informative and entertaining way, consider sending that person this blog article or contact me.  I am currently booking lectures for students (and adults) for 2016 through June 2017.

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If any of this resonates with you, or you agree with that I have said, please consider sharing this article and/or leave me a comment.  I’d love to hear your feedback and/or about your personal experiences.

 

Fighting Fair on the Internet: Part 5 | Words DO Hurt

13139249_10153931221552819_4713360848051877835_nToday, while taking a mental/emotional break from the negative stress and duties that my line of work brings to me, I stumbled across this picture on a social media post.  The quote “The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.  So be careful with your words.”  Given all that I have experienced in life, and all that I see through my career path right now, I can tell you that this is such a powerful and true statement.  Words do hurt…and while the focus used to be on what is being said verbally, now with a majority of our communications being electronic and we have seemingly lost the human connection because of it, now more than ever, it counts for the written word as well.

STICKS AND STONES:  Yes, I am well aware of the old saying “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.”   You know, to an extent that is true.  People can say what they want but it’s not like anyone is going to take away your birthday with words.  I also think that people need to have a certain level of a thick skin and ability to cope because some people are just giant jerks…but life does go on.  People grow up, people learn to move past their own hurt that causes them to feel the need to hurt others, they learn from their mistakes, change their attitudes, break bad habits, and so on.  So to all the “suck it up buttercup” minded people…I can agree…to an extent.  I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have if I let everyone who said an unkind word to me really get to me.  In fact, in some instances, it was only fuel to my fire for working hard to become better…better at whatever they were trying to tear me down over.

IT’S A DIFFERENT WORLD: At the same time, we are living in an entirely different world today.  We have adults who don’t really understand the types of bullying and harassment that can go on now.  Consequently that means that when their children, or grandchildren, or nieces and nephews, come to them with problems relating to bullying now…they don’t really have an idea on how to address it.  Heck, I know a lot of adults that don’t even know how to address it because it’s not just an issue targeting youth – many adults are now the subject of attacks, be it personally or maybe through reviews of their business.  Now, of course, there is some basics and wisdom that we can all draw upon from when we were young…but there are other dynamics that are involved.  It’s not because us “older” people are stupid and don’t know what it is like to be bullied – it’s just different…and in many cases, way worse than any of us ever had it growing up because we didn’t have all of this instant access and technology.  More and more we are hearing stories of kids killing themselves because of bullying.  I’ve read the stories – it’s heartbreaking.  And why?  What is the root cause?  Is it because the kids are being coddled too much and lack coping skills?  Or is it because of the new ways that people are being targeted through the use of technology and the seeming inability to get away from it?

STORY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: Coinciding with this exact topic, many years ago, in my early 20s (before all this social media stuff) I had a friend forward to me an e-mail that had been circulating.  My friend knew that I had been going through a rough time in my life and I was struggling with my own reactions to what others were saying to me.  Up until that point, there were times that I could be equally unkind to someone when pushed.  Nevertheless, that one silly little e-mail, for whatever reason, resonated with me and forever changed the way I thought about the words that I would speak (or write) to someone.  Because it was so impressionable upon me I will share a version of the same “Nails in the Fence” story here:

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper.  Her mother gave her a bag of nails, and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails she hammered into the fence each day gradually dwindled.

She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than it was to drive the nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the girl didn’t lose her temper at all, and she went to find her mother…

When she proudly told her mother that she was able to control her anger, and didn’t need to hammer any more nails into the fence, her mother suggested that she now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper.The days passed and the girl was finally able to go back to her mother and tell her that she had pulled out all the nails from the fence.

The mother took her daughter by the hand and together they went to the fence.

She said, “You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence.  The fence will never be the same again. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like these ones that have been left by the nails.  You can put a knife in someone and draw it out.  But it won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound will still be there.  A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.”

When I read that story, I realized that I was a lot like that little girl in the story.  In conversations with friends about life I have repeated versions of this story to explain my way of thinking and why I don’t “fight back” sometimes.  After all, when you are in an argument there is nothing more frustrating than when someone gets silent and gives the “silent treatment.”  But to be honest, my silence is out of respect.  Respect for myself, and respect for the person I am in a disagreement with.  You see, I remember every harsh word uttered to me by those I loved the most.  I also remember all the harsh words that were uttered to me by people I didn’t even care so much about.  What I learned from this, through self reflection, is that people will likely remember any words that I say out of anger…even if I later apologize, because I remember.  What I don’t really remember is all the times people were silent.  I rather people struggle to remember all of the times I got silent rather than live with scars from harsh words that I could have said when I was angry.

TAKE A BREATHER AND BE MINDFUL OF YOUR WORDS:  When you are dealing one-on-one,  with someone in person, it’s always important to be mindful of your words…regardless of age.  Children are the most impressionable.  Furthermore, understanding that we are living in a different world, where written words can be out on the internet FOREVER, it’s important that each of us take extra care in what we write.  You might be angry today, but as with all things in life and as my grandfather used to say, “this too shall pass.”  Before you go all keyboard warrior on someone, take the time to calm down, breathe, and determine if what you are about to write will REALLY serve a purpose that is positive down the road.  If the answer is yes, chose your words wisely and remember the “Nails in the Fence” story.  If the answer is no, let go of the ego, and remain silent.  What you write today can haunt you, and someone else, for life…and life is way too short to live with that kind of a burden.

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If any of this resonates with you, or you agree with that I have said, please consider sharing this article and/or leave me a comment.  I’d love to hear your feedback and/or about your personal experiences.

 

 

Fighting Fair on the Internet: Part 2 | The Loss of Human Connection and Manners

FIGHTING FAIR ON THE INTERNET: PART 2 | THE LOSS OF HUMAN CONNECTION AND MANNERS

MY MOMMA ALWAYS SAID:  Growing up in my household was less than desirable.  I saw all kinds of icky mean things that would have sent most children, according to statistics, into the justice system or result in some other “negative” situations.  I had first hand experience on what it is like to deal with the aftermath of violence…mental and physical.  Oh yes, I could share stories for days…and I did in some on topic college classes to the awe of many.  Yes, times were tough and I ask for no sympathy…I’m way stronger because of it and I think I can relate to others better as a result.  This is not to say that I didn’t struggle along the way.  The truth is, it took me a long time to get to a point where I was able to handle my own emotions and words in difficult situations but I like to think I do pretty well now as an adult.  Not perfect, because no one is, but certainly better at being more self aware.  So what does all of this have to do with “manners” and “fighting fair on the internet?”  Well, in my household, in spite of the serious chaos and desire to act up, my momma always taught me that saying mean and hurtful things was not nice and if you didn’t have something nice to say you shouldn’t say it at all – regardless of the medium.  Of course, back then, there was no internet.  I suspect many of us had parental figures who taught a similar lessons.  Sure, I was allowed to disagree, after all she had a very independent little girl on her hands who was all about speaking her mind (God bless my mother), but if I was going to disagree I had to have real reasoning and I had to be able to articulate it respectfully.  Name calling and being mean just to be mean was not acceptable.  Being a bully was not allowed.

RESPECTFUL DEBATES…A LOST ART:  This week alone I found myself explaining to friends that I perceive the characteristics of good manners and respect to have been lost by society.  Nearly three times this week I have found myself saying “Ah, respect…it’s a lost art.”  Of course I don’t believe this about all people.  I have met some incredible people who could debate respectfully…especially in the legal field.  One of the great things about the analytic mind is that it allows you to see things from different angles.  Oh yes, there is something to be said for those who can articulate and argue positions without resorting to calling each other a “flaming dodo head” just because they see something differently or dislike a particular situation.  Unfortunately, however, I don’t see these traits as the norm anymore.  Where in the heck did the human connection go?  Apparently out the window followed immediately by manners and respect!

DISENGAGEMENT:  In an on point discussion this week I attributed this dwindling of respect and manners to technology and our loss of ability to be human; I mean really human, as in actually interacting with humans.  Think about it…most of our communications now are through some method of technology; and most don’t even involve actually speaking.  Instead of telling someone, to their face, that they are upset…they send a text message with broken language, odd use of capitalization and punctuation, and an abundance of emoticons or you get blasted on some form of social media or internet site.  We have become so reliant on technology that we have almost forgotten how to communicate and often feel really uncomfortable if and when we actually have to talk to someone else.  Do people even call in an order for pizza anymore?  We have all become so disengaged from other humans…

THE HABIT OF TECHNOLOGY: Next time you are out in public, look around at how many people are “together” but are totally or partially disengaged because they are too busy staring at a screen.  Maybe this even happens in your own home?  Until I started raising a fuss about it, and only because I became more self aware of the trap that I was falling into myself, it would be a regular and normal occurrence for myself and my significant other to be sitting on the sofa together, with the television on, but each also be totally engaged in something else online – be it reading an article or playing a game on our phones, tablets or laptops.  It’s a BAD habit!  It’s like one form of stimuli has become not enough…and we need more constant interaction in order to feel comfortable.  But we aren’t the only ones.  According to studies done by the Pew Research Center, “some 21% of Americans now report that they go online “almost constantly”  and “67% of cell owners find themselves checking their phone for messages, alerts, or calls — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating.”  With all of this being online and/or constantly checking devices for messages, alerts or calls, it’s no wonder we, as a society, are no longer really connecting with people the way we used to.

WHEN HUMANS DO CONNECT:  Interestingly on point, I recently stumbled across the Liberators International organization who posted a video on their Facebook page showing an eye contact with strangers experiment posing the question “Where has the human connection gone?”  You are encouraged to link to and watch the short video for yourself, however, the idea was to have two total strangers sit and look into one another’s eyes for an entire minute.  The results…smiles, tears and/or hugs…from strangers.  So very amazing…and the facial expressions…so very telling and profound.

TIME TO MEND THE BROKEN:  The more we “connect” through technology and become akin to an individual island with a population of one the less we REALLY connect in a way where real emotion is involved.  The less legitimate human connection we have, the greater the opportunity for an IDGAF (I don’t give a F!) attitude to develop and the more opportunity we create for words and thoughts (mean ones) to flow without consideration for any consequences; for ourselves and for others.  Indeed, with the loss of our ability to really connect and communicate, we have also seemingly managed to lose the concept of manners and respect.  It’s time to figure out how to gain those characteristics back…one step at a time.

EXPERIMENT:  Try unplugging from technology (no cheating) during a time that you would normally “check in.”  This could be at home around family, at dinner with friends, or even just some time by yourself.  See how it makes you feel and what things around you you notice and report back.  I’d love to hear your feedback.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Rise by Lifting Others…

WE RISE BY LIFTING OTHERS…  It would be accurate to say that I have been a “gym rat” on and off since the late 90’s.  Accordingly, per my fairly typical routine, I got out of bed and drug my butt into the gym this morning to throw around some weights.  As you all are aware, the gym is a great way to keep physically and mentally healthy because of the ability to strengthen the body and release hormones that help reduce anxiety and stress…and I highly encourage everyone to exercise routinely…especially if you have a high stress job; but today I received a different kind of benefit that I often overlook.  Today I received the “warm fuzzy” from knowing that I was able to encourage and lift the spirits of a complete stranger.  I didn’t do anything special other than take the time to visit and share some insight and wisdom on a topic that this person was struggling with and, in return, I was rewarded with the opportunity to be genuinely thanked for my time and probably made a new friend.  This small interaction got me thinking:  It’s amazing how good it feels to rise because we were able to lift someone else up.

In today’s world where it seems that most relationships are based upon superficial communications through electronics, coupled with the accompanying demand for immediate attention and instant gratification in ways that most of us have obtained through learned behavior over the years, it’s important to stop and be remember to be human!  I mean REALLY human.  We all have the same basic needs.  We all have struggles that are often hidden.  It’s important to remember how to, and practice often, the seemingly lost art of actual, genuine, human interaction.  Take time to listen to someone, in person, and, if you are able, provide meaningful feedback.  The greatest gift you can give someone is your time because it is something you can never get back…and the greatest return is the feeling you receive from actually “being there” for someone which is a gift that no one can take away from you.

So in other words … #BEMOREHUMAN.  Practice this in your personal life with those you care about.  Practice this in your business life with the relationships that you value.  What you give out will come back to you so make it amazingly meaningful.