Fighting Fair on the Internet | Part 6 – Make America KIND Again

 

It has been a while since I have written anything on this topic…but having seen so much chaos go on online today that it sparked my desire to write.  In the wake of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election these are my thoughts as they relate to what kinds of sentiments I have seen portrayed online:

Remember, the key to your happiness does not lie with having a female president or a male president…happiness begins with YOU; choosing to be happy and find the good in any set of given circumstances is solely within YOUR power.

My heart hurts for those who are feeling a sense of hopeless and despair in the wake of this very heated election…and to each of you I’d give you a huge hug if I could because no matter what…we are ALL in this together and we will deal with things as they come TOGETHER as a nation.

People always fear and fight against change…no matter how big or small the change is. That is human nature. It probably goes without saying but just think about the way we all went about business before technology.  I can recall what it was like trying to explain to the older attorneys that I worked with that we had to change over and adapt to new technology.  Attorneys by nature tend to be stubborn and I can tell you that the attorneys that I worked with, no matter how great of lawyers they were, the ones that were older were worse than mules!  This, conceptually, is no different but in the end, IT WILL BE OKAY. WE WILL ALL BE OKAY.

Please stop saying if you supported this candidate or that candidate you are (enter here any of the stupid words and phrases that the media has spewed at you for two years – most of which many had to look of the definitions of and or didn’t look up the definitions but would repeat).  Seriously, stop.  How does that help anything?   Really…stop and think about it. How does labeling and calling names help anything other than your own ego?   The same goes with saying “I’m moving to Canada!”  The truth is, you probably aren’t moving to Canada and, if you do, good luck on their citizenship process – by the time you become a citizen this election term, plus half of the next, will likely be half over.

People make choices and decisions based upon their personal life experiences, beliefs, upbringings, faith, education, etc.  No single one of us has had the same experiences and therefore we are all going to look at this world, including politics, a little differently. IT’S OKAY TO SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY! Different doesn’t mean wrong…it’s just different.

No president can make you a kind person.  No president can make you a loving person. No president can make one have a sense of self-respect or morals. No president can give you the drive and determination to want to work hard and go after your goals.  Indeed, they can encourage those things, but it’s UP TO YOU to make your life better and to make yourself happy regardless of the circumstances.  Don’t place the power of YOUR HAPPINESS into someone else’s hands…you will wind up disappointed.

It’s okay to be apprehensive. It’s okay to be a little emotional. We are all human, and if you’re reading this, you are probably a fine human with many wonderful qualities.  At the same time, none of us are perfect so I give you this thought:  Being bitter and shitty to other people, friends or strangers in person or online over your differences, only prolongs YOUR unhappiness…and really says more about YOU as a person than it does anything else.

There is a reason I have this entire blog series about “Fighting Fair on the Internet” and all of this has made an excellent case study and proves my point – we have lost the human connection and it’s time to bring it back and relearn and implement some manners. Being silent when you want to verbally throat punch someone isn’t weakness…it’s called GRACE, and grace my friends, is a strength that few today seem to possess.

I have read today some really UGLY reactions to the outcome of last night’s presidential election.  On the other hand, I have read some of the most BEAUTIFUL words by friends who, while disappointed with the election results, found hope and a willingness to move forward…recognizing that we are all in this together and we, together, can do great things. To those people…thank you for share the kind words and inspiration.

Be HUMBLE. Be KIND. Be UPLIFTING instead of degrading. INSPIRE others to fulfill their dreams and realize their full potential. EDUCATE when education is helpful but not just to be “right” or vengeful for self gratification.  Let’s make America KIND again…and KNOW that the POWER for all of these things lies within YOU.

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If any of this resonates with you, or you agree with that I have said, please consider sharing this article and/or leave me a comment.

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Entrepreneurship can be a lonely place.

Regardless of which side of the political fence you are on (or maybe sitting in the stream in the middle) one can’t help but notice how the general public seems to point fingers and utilize one’s personal love life, or the lack thereof, as some sort of measuring stick for their perceived abilities to be a strong leader in business and/or the political arena.  To those who do the finger pointing in this manner, I ask you the following: Have you actually ever been a successful business person?  While perhaps I am over generalizing here I am going to go out on a limb and will guess not because, the truth is, entrepreneurship/business leadership can be a very, very, lonely place.

For the purpose of this article I will refer to entrepreneurs, however, this really could apply to any higher-up type business leader.  The responsibilities and worries for a entrepreneur/business leader are very different than that of the time clock punching worker-bee.  Not that there is anything wrong with being a worker-bee but my point is, the worker-bee goes to work, turns on the lights, clocks in, does their designated duties for the set shift for the day, clocks out, and then goes home…with free time to do whatever thereafter…inclusive of spending time with family.

By contrast, the entrepreneur, typically doesn’t have that kind of luxury.  The entrepreneur is concerned about keeping the lights on, the equipment maintained, the staff paid and employed…and all of that encompasses ways in which to keep the business thriving. While you are at home spending time with family and friends, and getting sleep, the entrepreneur is up late nights educating themselves on market trends, and trying to navigate changes in industry.  The entrepreneur is up looking at their competitors to figure out how to do things “better.”  The entrepreneur is trying to come up with the next “big thing” to help them grow and become more…so that maybe the company can afford raises or better equipment for its staff.  Even if the entrepreneur has reached a point where they have people to help them with some of these tasks, there is still the challenge of managing people which can be downright exhausting!

With all that the entrepreneur has to worry about, it is no wonder that so many may have a hard time keeping personal relationships a-float.  I myself am guilty of the “just a minute baby, only one more email and then I will come to bed” and then three hours later I head upstairs…usually with the phone in hand to check on different accounts.  Meanwhile my other half has been home for six hours, asleep for three, and I have sucked at paying any attention to him because I have let myself be drawn in and distracted by my work projects.  True, it’s a personal thing I am working on, and I’ve gotten a lot better…but it does still happen on occasion.  Indeed, it takes a very strong partner to understand the demands that are placed on the entrepreneur…and an even stronger one to accept how lonely a relationship with an entrepreneur can be.  To the entrepreneur, that business or project is their baby, which often times means they sacrifice the “typical” relationships for it.  Further, it’s not uncommon for people involved in an entrepreneur to give up because they need more out of the relationship that the entrepreneur can give, and that’s okay too. This, however, does not mean that the entrepreneur is a bad person or a bad business leader…in fact, it could mean the very opposite; that the entrepreneur is willing to sacrifice their personal relationship life for the greater good of their business.  Of course I always advocate for finding balance…but some times that is easier said than done.

Bottom line, when it comes down to it, before you go pointing fingers at people based upon your perception of their failed love life and what that means for them as a business/political leader…I ask you to consider what I just wrote and remember, entrepreneurship can be a very lonely place.

Just some food for thought, friends.  I’d be interested to hear your feedback and experiences.

 

Don’t be an E-BAG

Are You a “Chatty Cathy” Via Email?

Do you remember back when businesses exchanged typewritten letters to one another and if some one wrote back to you within a weeks time that was considered very responsive? How about the days when people would actually pick up the phone or got together for a meeting to discuss important topics that would require a back and forth conversational dialog.  Where did that go?  Oh yeah…technology.

Many times I have said that technology is a blessing and a curse.  I have opined how technology has contributed to the loss of the human connection and manners.  One day I may even write about how I believe technology is actually creating more stress for people…because you are always tethered by it and are expected to be “on” all of the time.  It’s exhausting just thinking about it.  In that same vein comes this wonderful technology that we call “Email” which is becoming incredibly abused.  Rather than just using it to send legitimate “need to know” information, and keeping the communications on point, it seems that many are now using email to hold a conversation in lieu of picking up a phone or scheduling a meeting that would allow for regular dialog.  For comedy, and not with any ill intent, I like to refer to these types of people as E-Bags.

POINT OF REFERENCE:  Let’s be clear about the angle I am coming from.  As a lawyer and entrepreneur I maintain multiple e-mail accounts for business and receive hundreds of e-mails a day.  I want to ensure I am receiving all of the legitimate information that I need in the shortest amount of time possible.  This is why E-Bags are a personal pet peeve of mine.

Five reasons why using email for conversations, generally speaking, can be a bad idea:

  1. Time is money!  It takes a long time to write out paragraphs of information and if you go back and edit at all, you are looking at 30-45 minutes for something that could have been said in five minutes on the phone.  If you are business billing your customer/client for that time, maybe you don’t care…but if you are the customer/client, you could be paying someone to read emails about your whatever, off topic, conversation.  Seriously.  Think about that.
  2. Everyone’s time is valuable!  Chatty Cathy conversations, especially when there are more than two participants in an email string, do nothing by waste time and irritate people when they have to read through your messages to see if there is anything important that pertains to them directly.  When you start pissing people off, naturally, they aren’t going to pay much attention to your communications in the future.
  3. People get too many emails to keep up!  If you chat away via email you are running the strong possibility that your communications will get overlooked.  If you are a known chatter, even when you provide very important information or a request in your communication, it can be overlooked because the recipient may assume that you are just chatting again and won’t read your email or will, at best, merely skim it.  The chances of your important information getting lost increases dramatically.
  4. Conversation emails are like dumping trash on top of small presents in a bag.  When you use email as “chat” you are basically littering in your own inbox.  You are dumping “trash” on top of the important things which can make them harder to find.  This is especially true if you manage an email account that has a high volume of incoming email to begin with.
  5. The written word, especially when written in a hurry, can be perceived in many ways that was unintended.  When I present to students and adults I explain how one single sentence, with only seven words, can be interpreted seven different ways depending on the emphasis that the reader places on any particular word.  This can lead to a break down in communication and lead to more relationship and communication problems that could have been avoided through a phone call or a meeting.  Never underestimate the power of being able to hear voice tone, word inflection and/or pick up on body language.  You can’t get those things from the written word.

Three instances when engaging in conversation via email can be a good idea:

  1. When you are making introductions.  If you are making an introduction between your self and someone else, or maybe you are connecting two people who have never met before, conversational email communication is probably going to be expected.  You are trying to open a free flow of friendly dialog so that they can get to know one another.
  2. When your entire relationship is based upon email.  If you have never met a person, or perhaps have never even communicated with a person over the phone, then, in that case, being conversational is appropriate.  It can connect you and provide opportunity for dialog when other communication mediums are not available or appropriate (think an online forum for example).
  3. When your customer/client expects it and is willing to pay for your time.  Some customers/clients are just long winded, they have lost the human connection so they don’t like actual phone or in person conversations, and they EXPECT to communicate via email primarily.  In this case, if that is what your customer/client wants, then by all means…go for it.  Just be sure to let your customer/client know, up front, that they will be billed for such communications.  Again, time is money and your time is a valuable commodity that you cannot ever get back.

If this resonates with you (because maybe you are a conversational emailer) or maybe because you share the same frustration with conversational e-mailers, be sure to chime in with your #EBAG experience.  I’m only writing from what I see personally but am always open to other perspectives and learning.

Fighting Fair on the Internet: Part 5 | Words DO Hurt

13139249_10153931221552819_4713360848051877835_nToday, while taking a mental/emotional break from the negative stress and duties that my line of work brings to me, I stumbled across this picture on a social media post.  The quote “The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.  So be careful with your words.”  Given all that I have experienced in life, and all that I see through my career path right now, I can tell you that this is such a powerful and true statement.  Words do hurt…and while the focus used to be on what is being said verbally, now with a majority of our communications being electronic and we have seemingly lost the human connection because of it, now more than ever, it counts for the written word as well.

STICKS AND STONES:  Yes, I am well aware of the old saying “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.”   You know, to an extent that is true.  People can say what they want but it’s not like anyone is going to take away your birthday with words.  I also think that people need to have a certain level of a thick skin and ability to cope because some people are just giant jerks…but life does go on.  People grow up, people learn to move past their own hurt that causes them to feel the need to hurt others, they learn from their mistakes, change their attitudes, break bad habits, and so on.  So to all the “suck it up buttercup” minded people…I can agree…to an extent.  I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have if I let everyone who said an unkind word to me really get to me.  In fact, in some instances, it was only fuel to my fire for working hard to become better…better at whatever they were trying to tear me down over.

IT’S A DIFFERENT WORLD: At the same time, we are living in an entirely different world today.  We have adults who don’t really understand the types of bullying and harassment that can go on now.  Consequently that means that when their children, or grandchildren, or nieces and nephews, come to them with problems relating to bullying now…they don’t really have an idea on how to address it.  Heck, I know a lot of adults that don’t even know how to address it because it’s not just an issue targeting youth – many adults are now the subject of attacks, be it personally or maybe through reviews of their business.  Now, of course, there is some basics and wisdom that we can all draw upon from when we were young…but there are other dynamics that are involved.  It’s not because us “older” people are stupid and don’t know what it is like to be bullied – it’s just different…and in many cases, way worse than any of us ever had it growing up because we didn’t have all of this instant access and technology.  More and more we are hearing stories of kids killing themselves because of bullying.  I’ve read the stories – it’s heartbreaking.  And why?  What is the root cause?  Is it because the kids are being coddled too much and lack coping skills?  Or is it because of the new ways that people are being targeted through the use of technology and the seeming inability to get away from it?

STORY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: Coinciding with this exact topic, many years ago, in my early 20s (before all this social media stuff) I had a friend forward to me an e-mail that had been circulating.  My friend knew that I had been going through a rough time in my life and I was struggling with my own reactions to what others were saying to me.  Up until that point, there were times that I could be equally unkind to someone when pushed.  Nevertheless, that one silly little e-mail, for whatever reason, resonated with me and forever changed the way I thought about the words that I would speak (or write) to someone.  Because it was so impressionable upon me I will share a version of the same “Nails in the Fence” story here:

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper.  Her mother gave her a bag of nails, and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails she hammered into the fence each day gradually dwindled.

She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than it was to drive the nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the girl didn’t lose her temper at all, and she went to find her mother…

When she proudly told her mother that she was able to control her anger, and didn’t need to hammer any more nails into the fence, her mother suggested that she now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper.The days passed and the girl was finally able to go back to her mother and tell her that she had pulled out all the nails from the fence.

The mother took her daughter by the hand and together they went to the fence.

She said, “You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence.  The fence will never be the same again. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like these ones that have been left by the nails.  You can put a knife in someone and draw it out.  But it won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound will still be there.  A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.”

When I read that story, I realized that I was a lot like that little girl in the story.  In conversations with friends about life I have repeated versions of this story to explain my way of thinking and why I don’t “fight back” sometimes.  After all, when you are in an argument there is nothing more frustrating than when someone gets silent and gives the “silent treatment.”  But to be honest, my silence is out of respect.  Respect for myself, and respect for the person I am in a disagreement with.  You see, I remember every harsh word uttered to me by those I loved the most.  I also remember all the harsh words that were uttered to me by people I didn’t even care so much about.  What I learned from this, through self reflection, is that people will likely remember any words that I say out of anger…even if I later apologize, because I remember.  What I don’t really remember is all the times people were silent.  I rather people struggle to remember all of the times I got silent rather than live with scars from harsh words that I could have said when I was angry.

TAKE A BREATHER AND BE MINDFUL OF YOUR WORDS:  When you are dealing one-on-one,  with someone in person, it’s always important to be mindful of your words…regardless of age.  Children are the most impressionable.  Furthermore, understanding that we are living in a different world, where written words can be out on the internet FOREVER, it’s important that each of us take extra care in what we write.  You might be angry today, but as with all things in life and as my grandfather used to say, “this too shall pass.”  Before you go all keyboard warrior on someone, take the time to calm down, breathe, and determine if what you are about to write will REALLY serve a purpose that is positive down the road.  If the answer is yes, chose your words wisely and remember the “Nails in the Fence” story.  If the answer is no, let go of the ego, and remain silent.  What you write today can haunt you, and someone else, for life…and life is way too short to live with that kind of a burden.

Until next time friends…

P.S. – If any of this resonates with you, or you agree with that I have said, please consider sharing this article and/or leave me a comment.  I’d love to hear your feedback and/or about your personal experiences.